My name is Meta Getman (pronounced May-da) and I am a regular girl who found herself in a club she did not plan on or wanted to be in – the infertility club. Our story is one of heartache and joy that led us down a path of using donor eggs to build our family. This journey has led me to want to serve others who are facing this path to parenthood and I couldn’t be more excited you are here.
My husband, Michael, and I were lucky because we found out we would have a challenge getting pregnant on our own fairly early in our journey due to a diagnosis of low sperm count and low motility. We started interuterine insemination (IUI) at my OB’s office fairly quickly after that.
Four rounds of IUI, unmedicated to start then medicated didn’t result in a pregnancy so we were referred onto a reproductive endocrinologist. It was during that visit that we discovered that my AMH levels were incredibly low for my age (I was 31 at the time) and they recommended IVF.
We did two rounds of IVF. Both rounds we did the stimulation meds, had a retrieval, and did a transfer. With both rounds we did not get pregnant and we had no embryos to freeze.
After our second failure, we had the dreaded WTF is happening appointment with the doctor. She was honest with us and told us that she believed we had an egg quality issue and brought up the idea of donor eggs. I broke down sobbing in her office – I didn’t even know what donor eggs were. The only other thing I remember from that conversation was that she thought we would be able to have a child using my eggs but it would probably take 8 to 10 rounds of fresh IVF to make that happen.
Devastated and defeated, we left that appointment and spent some time processing everything she had said. We had originally planned on doing 3 rounds before re-assessing, so we went for one more round using my eggs.
Round three was another failure – no pregnancy and no embryos to freeze. We were at a crossroads and we had a decision to make.
Michael was 100% on board with donor egg. He wanted to build our family and he knew I wanted to be pregnant. It was the next logical step. I on the other hand was much more hesitant. The things I knew were that I wanted a family. I wanted to experience pregnancy. We didn’t feel compelled or called to adoption. What I didn’t know was what the long-term impacts of having a donor conceived child would be. I didn’t know anyone who had used a donor. I was scared about whether or not I would love my child the same way I would love a child that was genetically mine. I was worried that they wouldn’t be accepted because they were donor conceived. I was terrified that our child would resent us or be angry that we used a donor. I felt like my family, friends, and even society would reject us or judge us for using a donor.
Ultimately we decided to go forward with donor eggs because that was the next step for us in achieving our goals of having a family and me getting to experience pregnancy. We did a fresh transfer of two embryos in November 2015 and our twin girls were born the summer of 2016.
Looking back, there was always a piece of my heart that told me this journey would not just result in our family. And as I’ve spent the past few years reflecting on the path we took to have our girls, I have identified places in my journey where I didn’t have the support that I desperately needed:
- Letting go of the deeply held expectation that having a baby would be easy.
- Learning how to navigate relationships with friends, family, co-workers and even strangers who constantly remind you that your dream of having a family is not coming the way you planned.
- Turning towards your spouse during one of the first major challenges couples can face.
- Dealing with both male and female-factor infertility and the feelings that go along with that: anger, frustration, sadness and feeling like you are letting your partner down.
Now, I’m on a mission to help family-focused, responsible, and thoughtful women and couples who have found themselves feeling isolated in the infertility journey and struggling to get the support they need.
If you are struggling like I did, there is hope. You don’t have to do this alone.